23 sept 09 wed

i receive sms early morning again.. was awaiting for it..
but the sms made me held up want to reply to this sms or not..

“dun think too much n dun expect much nw”

isit a hope or its jus silently hinting me dun put hope..didnt reply till the 2nd sms was seeing if i am working today or not.. at least he still bother to ask.. dun ask for too much..told him i didnt know wat i wann reply him ..he understand wat i said.

the sunshine today wasnt tat bright bright .. but it still shine..
reach office..somehow or rather people do notice that i dun smile these days ..
but those of them are ghost. tell them sure wont shut their mouth and keep on going … rather not

the sun shine went cloudy den back sunny ..
my feeling was groomy..till i saw ok promise when we can we go.. finally firefly still got hope to watch it

its cheng’s bday
we got her a smallcake ourselves .. jus me n lorene ..
bday song was sang super fast and super silently ..
happy bday cheng..

everything was fine today , me and a.n and work
went to tampinese for some issue to be clear by bus den take bus home ..2 hours 4 buses long journey..
jus kept walking and walking…i need a peace of my mind till i walk till i lost my way somehow..
horrible ! but its sg , m still safe.

bus passby a.n work place ..
weird got this feeling his still at work ..

got home .. log online..
to facebook.. click on the status

i saw.
i start to get bitter heart
tears began non stop rolling down..
tearing with silent is the most suffering ..
我苦了， 我哭了。
我好辛苦

wasnt it down on purposely? like tat very happy ?
true his ans was fair enff, he told me let natura take course..
and his no comment on happy or not..

i know jus started work at new place many new things to learn adding on to more this type of issues is jus make it even worst .. keep silent and wait for everything to settle down is the best

i said i understand but a.n jus couldnt get it into his brain.
when he said luv has faded .. i stike me twice doubly..
wants career n studies first rs , shall see how..

i told explain wat happen tat day, but its useless non can get into his mind or mayb everything is too late
his so determine in jus being friends..
wat else can i do ?
he said his tired of always sms me long long, seriously who dont?

in the past, i was a happy gal
whenever my hp ring, i will smile
its always a.n cracking small sms to make me smile
its always me waiting patiently for the arrival my hp rings..

but now
seeing people’s hp keep ringing
i can onli recall those days of my smile..
i can onli jus wonder when will my hp rings..

i miss u.
i know wat i shld wait , wat not to..
i know who i want to hold my hands ..
i determine too ..

2 ys ago, an ideal man appear in my life ,
i ruin the rs with the word..
2 yrs later, another ideal man appear again ..
and history repeats
i ruin it with the same old word..

i felt hopelessss ..2 times i made myself losses them .. useless !

dun be noble tell me if these a beta guy den dun wait ..
onli i know if i shld ..

shan said a lot to me.. how much i can absorb its a factor ..how much i can take it its another ..

i really miss a.n

when ?will this day come ?

i miss

its been days ..
i nv heard this sentences ..

又咬！
在咬！
在咬就断了。。

i miss this so much..

 

 

m sorry ..

20 sept 2009 sunday

realli sick le..fever n cold n block nose..hungry oso..
there he was, happily sms me at 9plus in the morning asking if i had woke up, asking if wann go breakfast..but i jus couldnt wokeup in time before he ate his 2 mooncake..

i began throwing my temper..
心想will he change his mind go to the dinner with me rather then go game with his friends, i know he already had appointment with them first, but i jus hope he do a weightage which is more important. to me, meeting my them is important.. i hv been wanting anxiously want to show them whom a.n is ..我真的好想intro him to them..but things not always do as wat i think.. i keep saying the weightage thing to myself .. and a.n he tot its me throwing temper regarding i dun want to eat alone, he offer to cmpy me and he eat ice kachang.. i rejected..he tot i was refering to i say he dun care for me cos i am sick.. but this isnt the fact and the main point..

i am not finding excuses for myself, but mayb its my immune system is really low, and there isnt any tolerance level to anything. my temper jus came off like tat. i know i am old enff to control my temper and emotional.. but i really sick..

he explain to me he cant go before and he wants to explain again..i jus dun know how come i couldnt listen..
i spilled the word .. the one word which i regret..

i am sorry. really sorry.

i knew a.n jus couldnt bother w me anymore ..
helplessly i start crying myself to fall asleep..from noon till late noon..
i saw.. lets take some time to consider to cool down ..

it was den my heart breaks .. i realise wat i had did..
fall asleep again ..
i tried to sms again .. while his with his frzs
wanting to apologise realli
but i realli dun know why how i start throwing temper again ..

i sad .. i speechless .. i am beyond words ..
i cry myself to sleep again …

can i jus get ur forgiveness base on my anxiously wanting to show u to them ??
can i ?

19sept09 sat

this gonna be in english..

19sept09 sat

saturday was down w flu sneeze and cold..went to work keep sneezing den went to school for project, was there to 抱wanton more den doing project..sick le..a.n oso sick le his down w headache at at school too, his own school for makeup lesson. nice of him come giv me a ride back home aft his class..grab a cup of milk shake from mr bean.. yummy its nice..got home and unload my bag den head to wen-d place..had streamboat with molly shan and bebe.. its nice and super full..beat bebe when she try to open the wallet .. tot its a false alarm but didnt know i hit the alarm.. ring and ring arggg still i was 抱ing wanton whole nite.

waited for lynn late arrival. she brought cakes for us.. yum yum cost her 20 bucks its nice.. i luv it..
chit chat till late nite..almost till 1pm.. a.n was sleeping at home watching his show and ofc playing game. i could hv choose to ask him if he can come give me a ride home. but nah .. his tired after friday n he might still having headache moreover his a sleepy nuah ..he need most sleep den others..

finally beg and beg lynn to go home… got home 1 plus sleep at 2. my nose block gotta worst..

望/忘 ?

 

 

 

 

 

遗忘

失望

淡忘

盼望

期望

希望

没期望 就不会有失望
没遗忘 才会有盼望
没淡忘 我只想要的希望

 

 

 

 

 

太阳会出来吗？

 

是巧合吗？
还是我太过明感？

星期一
老天爷阵天都是恢恢黑黑的
我就在家哭了一天
老天爷也就下了一天的雨
每当刺激型的简讯一道
老天爷就下跟大。。因为我哭的跟哭跟痛。。
一直到晚上。。
心情平复了
老天爷也平复了

星期二
一早收到简讯。。太阳也就亮了
虽然收到简讯， 但心情还是没像以往那么幸福，太阳也就没那么晒
上午
天空突然乌云密布
我又收到简讯，伤心难过，他不可以去
我哭了
老天爷也哭了
今天没什么阳光。。
因为笑容以不在出现。。。

。。。。。。。

明天会放晴吗？
还是
会又是个下雨天？

我好坏念以前的幸福。。太阳会出来吗？