grandma past away last yr just before cny .
and this yr finally we can all go to her tombstone to visit her .
as long as these family gathering .. its always fun.

i met this wonderful guy whose extrimely nice to me and he safeguard me well and give me all the TLC that i can get from him, he makes my day but at times we argue, mostly me. we are human eventually , temper do exsist isnt it ..

Past 1 week had been a lot for me. A lot of the first few days and later it slows down. Carolyn told me something btw the 2 jus when I tot the 1^st option was goanna be rite, the 2^nd option appear and saying everything had changed according to was I always wanted. Seriously if u were me, how would you have even made ur pick? The initial which you pick you tot it was all ok, but things happen before your real eyes and jus couldn’t feel anything, small little mishap makes everything goes from bad to worst. Given my character, the dilemma I makes me so sick and emo… I dun really know how others stands but for me, with tat for life to stands those. Kill me will be an easier way for me to even accept it. And the act of a child’s in everyone heart was so obvious. Nothing much been changed jus that I realized I see what I can be bothered more about. Maybe during the past option 2 had taught me that I could request more from what I am getting tat result the current me. No doubt not much people will understand

What I am talking rite now. But it’s ok. I understand will do.

Option 2, inform me about all the changed which had been made to my request, this is really a miracle for me, giving the idea that I would have slowly wanting to delete this memory from my brain. It’s nice but still I believe lots of courage is need for me to move to option 2 given the past experience which was deeply wounded. It is jus like a drug it will tempt you den suck u to the side which you will throw in yourself for it, without thinking much wat was done by it. But to me option 2 hides it child within, not much present of the child was presented and I wouldn’t have to kill myself to adapt for it. But it scares me that history will repeat. A not pleasant experience, which will wann it to repeat, isn’t it? But with the given fear if u never did try, how would you know this time round it will not succeed?

Gambling again… in every game, once u fear you lose, so? Fear not to loose???

Weak me …

am i ??

you assume that i will be like this
you assume that i will be like wat u thinki gonna be
you assume wat i will do..
you assume how i would have felt ..
but all these aint exactly all right ..

ended up..you were the one whom felt all those but it just isnt me ..

you gotta diasppointed
you gotta upset
you gotta anxious
you gotta misses more
you gotta delimma over wat to be done

ended up..you start to make the move again..

tots in ur mind
problems u faces
things that ur doing

ended up..you tells me and shares it with me ..telling me, i make you feel stress free and comfortable..

i ?
i hv given you the options
i hv given you suggestions
i hv given you time to solve this whole thing
i hv been telling myself ur a friend
i hv given up and wants to move on..

ended up..you puts me back in the same difficult position..

i know wat i want. but i couldnt get it, you couldnt give it to me, wat do you expect me to do..isnt it?
yes i do misses
yes i was indeed suprises that you told me all of it..
yes i was touch by those u says
but i oso do trying to move on and waiting hoping someday for ur return..

i do ..
i really do ..
really ..

—–

i am a sma student going to smu to study all the time..all thx to my kpo gf whom working in the place..luv the apple crumble over at the kitchen..the library there open 24hours during examination week.

exam freakout ..yes i am superly tired over it. never did i study for such a long hours,and carrying my red heavy bag is too much for my shoulders..

thursday ..took mc went to see doc for my skin and my ach pain.. doc says tat i am too much stress need lots rest..

return back to office and .. everything are not exactly in mess just tat it doesnt excite me with the work people and the sayings of wat other says about me.. freaking tired .. arggg

friday went watch movie with chow..watch shutter island.. its a damn nice show..keep me follow and follow..it keeps my mind on and on with the movie..yet me and chow tends to hv this habit.. small talk about the scene while watching ..end up .. they people next to us.. SsssHhhhh at us. opps .. guess we kinda of a little too much ..
we like the show.. its more to those physco IQ EQ superly higher then normals people .. must watch ! it wont be a waste to watch.

did we sort out all things ? still the thinking was you but since had decided to move on wats there to be regretted shall be only blame to myself , isn’t it ? adapting life without peple whom use to be close to me. 
feeling delighted? not sure ..
is this move gonna be good? not sure .. 
are u happy ? not really sure but m rather busy with all my activities , lots things happening in replace of my old life
maybe I bearly hv time to sit down n
think m I happy with this but minimum … I moved 

doreen ask “get a man, hv a baby to complete, get a saragate” I was like huh … m I looking very anxious as wat I projected to you ? nah I know mean no harm … we are people who speak directly .. maybe this issue that she worry for me isn’t a major issue rite now ..maybe after my studies when I start blowing off my 5 big 4 small candles den I start panic.. lol

exam .. sucks 
not tat i hate my red crumple bag but everytime when I carry it.. it jus means tat books are in lappy in too n it’s exam periodddd muggling time . my shoulder are aching at both sides
the prev exam at least not so bad still hv an offer mi ride home but now even if we start SMS doubt will ask for ride bk hm .. 

bone aching seriously

been almost a week nothing from u finaly when I woke up from a nap something I felt seriously missed. m I scare of silent ?

yes I assume.
hp still din ring u were totally disappear from my area.
finally sms u.
yet till nw the hp still din ring.. 
m sad 

still rmb tat day we went jb tat bkstore u found me.u knew roughly where I m. actualli i choose to stay at d location n wait for u to find me instead of go search for u. cos I knw u will b bk looking for me. 
same theory goes for my feeling.

I miss … 
I know I telling u all these jus doesn’t help but I dun wann hide anything frm anyone. ur smart u knew wat I was saying but thing jus never will change.. purely jus simple frds we shall…although it will be hard.

strive on
move on …

我当然都明白
可是呀只有你曾陪我在最初的地方
只有你才能了解我要的梦从来不大
我们没有在一起至少还像情侣一样
我痛的疯的伤的在你面前哭的最惨
我知道你也不能带我回到那个地方
你说你现在很好而且喜欢回忆很长
我们没有在一起至少还像家人一样
总是远远关心 远远分享

lovers doesnt have to be together, sometimes apart you will tends to love the person more and more lasting ..
started to began emo again when i first hear this song .. suddenly recall the man suitable for this song related to me .. its been days we talk in msn or fb..

那个放在桌上的手机，依然沉默，依然没响。。

有开始想起你。。

但。。。。。。。

I m a clubber m I? haha cheers or sad tat m becoming like this? commentless m netural towards this but somehow this might b only a stage of change.. it will be temperally change. 

movida power house rouge Atlantis arena … woo hoo 

y do I hv exam coming soon.. inneed to lock myself at hm frm drinks n lappy they are all monsters … haha books will b my honey for theses few days 

to god whom I believe 
I pray for some energy to resist frm dreaming off n wakeup n study n pass my exam . play hard study smart work by luck.. 

jiau –yanz

But all in all, they hurt me both. Still friends ? I really dun know.
I love LT I know, but all you want is to get me as a companionship and refuse to leave the girlfriend for me. He says he love her yet also want me. But still why do I feel like a dirt to you? I wann be rare stone, a gem stone, a stone which someone who can appericate me. Not someone who jus wann dust me away when your with her. It makes me disappointed and sad.

As for AN, you have always be there fore me but all you can say to me is I betray your trust, time and time I explain till I totally giveup communicate with you. If you never understand how I felt and wat I says , den u will never know how I felt. Always says we are good friends we are buddies and u will not want to lose me as a friend.. to me tat is the main reason why I told you abt LT . and the day when u told me, I betray you and u says I am a princess and tats why u refuse to invite me to the xmas party last year. And seriously.. you keep saying its my fault. Why didn’t u blame urself to? Our problem is jus because ur friends are important to you. So much den me. And your mean words saying that I jus scare of loneliness and I cant survive without man. Fine ! den I will show this to you that u are wrong. The most I can survive without will be you. You told me tonot to enter ur life FOREVER and this will be as what you wish for. I may be stubborn at this but it shall be your wish, u always wann keep me to as a close friend yet ? when I were in rs I wann still keep u as friend but this is ur reaction .. and it shall be foreever ..

Until now . as of 5april12010.. I hv yet to receive any of your sms not even a call. I am sad I know. But I wann to move on from today onwards. I couldn’t promise I wont drop any tears for this path
But I will still turn back and to recall n remember and be upset that ur my past, and
I did ever love you.

i hope i will never regret loving you.
never once i am never serious with you in my times with you.
I do