23 sept 09 wed

i receive sms early morning again.. was awaiting for it..
but the sms made me held up want to reply to this sms or not..

“dun think too much n dun expect much nw”

isit a hope or its jus silently hinting me dun put hope..didnt reply till the 2nd sms was seeing if i am working today or not.. at least he still bother to ask.. dun ask for too much..told him i didnt know wat i wann reply him ..he understand wat i said.

the sunshine today wasnt tat bright bright .. but it still shine..
reach office..somehow or rather people do notice that i dun smile these days ..
but those of them are ghost. tell them sure wont shut their mouth and keep on going … rather not

the sun shine went cloudy den back sunny ..
my feeling was groomy..till i saw ok promise when we can we go.. finally firefly still got hope to watch it

its cheng’s bday
we got her a smallcake ourselves .. jus me n lorene ..
bday song was sang super fast and super silently ..
happy bday cheng..

everything was fine today , me and a.n and work
went to tampinese for some issue to be clear by bus den take bus home ..2 hours 4 buses long journey..
jus kept walking and walking…i need a peace of my mind till i walk till i lost my way somehow..
horrible ! but its sg , m still safe.

bus passby a.n work place ..
weird got this feeling his still at work ..

got home .. log online..
to facebook.. click on the status

i saw.
i start to get bitter heart
tears began non stop rolling down..
tearing with silent is the most suffering ..
我苦了， 我哭了。
我好辛苦

wasnt it down on purposely? like tat very happy ?
true his ans was fair enff, he told me let natura take course..
and his no comment on happy or not..

i know jus started work at new place many new things to learn adding on to more this type of issues is jus make it even worst .. keep silent and wait for everything to settle down is the best

i said i understand but a.n jus couldnt get it into his brain.
when he said luv has faded .. i stike me twice doubly..
wants career n studies first rs , shall see how..

i told explain wat happen tat day, but its useless non can get into his mind or mayb everything is too late
his so determine in jus being friends..
wat else can i do ?
he said his tired of always sms me long long, seriously who dont?

in the past, i was a happy gal
whenever my hp ring, i will smile
its always a.n cracking small sms to make me smile
its always me waiting patiently for the arrival my hp rings..

but now
seeing people’s hp keep ringing
i can onli recall those days of my smile..
i can onli jus wonder when will my hp rings..

i miss u.
i know wat i shld wait , wat not to..
i know who i want to hold my hands ..
i determine too ..

2 ys ago, an ideal man appear in my life ,
i ruin the rs with the word..
2 yrs later, another ideal man appear again ..
and history repeats
i ruin it with the same old word..

i felt hopelessss ..2 times i made myself losses them .. useless !

dun be noble tell me if these a beta guy den dun wait ..
onli i know if i shld ..

shan said a lot to me.. how much i can absorb its a factor ..how much i can take it its another ..

i really miss a.n

when ?will this day come ?