爱的好辛苦

我知道我还是爱着
我知道等待不一定会有回报。
我知道我很傻

可是我再次的不快乐
真的一点都不看我的想法或感受吗？

我被伤到了

liar!

yes,

i start writing again. neither does this post will be a good one, somehow to me, writing a new post refers to these something bad happen to me again.which is true..

saw the pics of the 2, gotta so angry didnt u said u stop communicating with her already ? why not even can go out w her? liar! wat was the saying, ur not just anyone, u are the first person when i hv some news i wann to tell..so ur not nobody to me..

LIARSS why would i even hear it in?
wrote ad sent a anger sms and gotta reply was, ic u more often compare to her, when m out w u she oso no piss. why did u even piss! we are jus friends n i told unot to wait…!

gotta even more angy when i saw the more LOVELY picS! to me its Frea King LOVELY to them .. WHO CAre wat other thinK! i think will do ! i CARE it COncern ME !
gotta sooo angry ..
n burst to tears.. finalli this day has comes.
they warning had came alive.. if either one of u gotta new partner the other will b sad

n i did..
cant believe i did tat . told him to STFU
if my concern isnt ur concern den BE IT.

I AM HURT !
I FEEL like IDIOT
i am so UNHAPPPY !
isit realli time to let go?
am i wrong to wait with him ?
wat is man thinking?

why did i tear for this !
why ?

hw true is this ?

摩羯座(Capricorn)

年轻的魔羯都是很单纯的，我想他们也不会知道自己将从天使变成恶魔，魔羯座的人天生善良，感情也都很脆弱，也许会因为一些很小的事情难过很长时间，所以他们通常在表面表现的酷酷的与事隔离的样子，其实他们只是不希望让别人看到他脆弱的一面，坚强，理智，承受是魔羯的代名词，他们并不是很随便的表达自己所想，他们希望了解身边所有人的性格，并不是因为好奇，好象只是因为一种安全感，为了保护自己魔羯生出了一种特殊能力。 　　

魔羯相对任何星座来比能在最段时间看出一个人的性格无论他们在如何隐藏，这点很像天蝎但是他们却看不出对方的心，他们很容易就会了解到他们身边每一个人的优缺点，但是他们通常不会说出来，也不会太介意，所有的魔羯都很包容对方请记得，如果有一只魔羯指出你的缺点那一定是友善的，虽然他们会用一种讽刺的口气来指出． 　　 　　　　

 

所有魔羯都拥有２个性格，只是大部分魔羯都不愿意去接受，因为他们希望自己永远的傻傻的活下去，魔羯的坏可以媲美过所有星座，也许他们不相信，但是随着时间的积累魔羯的人在慢慢变坏，其实这也是一种自我保护，他们需要知道了解自己最后的一张王牌，做不做就看对方是否达到让魔羯抱负的地步了，这并不是在表扬，似乎用阴险可以形容，当魔羯讨厌一个人的时候那就是一种绝对，魔羯不会随便讨厌一个人，但是如果哪个人做的太过分，这个人会从魔羯心底彻底抹杀，如果这个人激怒了魔羯，呵呵那么这个人就只能等着灾难的降临。 　　 　　　　

 

魔羯是个比较城府的人，他们不会表面去得罪了，但是他们会计划着让这个人知道他所做的事情将会给自己带来多大的回报，魔羯的报复手段极其残忍，他会加倍的还给你，（如果你有一天遭受到摸名的灾难那么你去想想你在什么时候得罪了魔羯）魔羯并不会随便的去加害一个人，因为魔羯也讨厌自己的坏，他们是天才的杀手，一切的一切从很早以前就做好计划，而且这些计划在没有事件出现前他们就在考虑如何完美并无破绽的进行报复计划，也许这些和他的悲观有些联系，魔羯的人很了解世界，但他们固执的相信美好尽管自己知道那是不可能的，大部分魔羯都讨厌坏坏的自己，当然想抛弃自己是不可能的。 　　 　　

 

朋友（最喜欢装傻的星座）　　 魔羯的人都很没有安全感，他们喜欢在任何人面前装傻，这可不是一般的装傻能力，魔羯人聪明就在于这点，他们认为只有傻子在会不牵扯到任何伤害，与其做一个聪明的人不如当一个傻子平凡而又随意，如果不是值得魔羯相信的朋友魔羯永远不会让对方知道自己会有智慧，而无论安全与不安全魔羯对朋友都很真，他们很珍惜些朋友。 　　 他们最希望获得朋友的信任，如果从一个朋友那里得不到信任，他不会再与这个朋友交往下去．和魔羯接触过的人都会认为他们脾气很好，好的似乎发傻，其实他们并不是脾气好，只是他们很会装，因为他们了解身边的朋友的所有性格，所以他们在包容对方，就算你做了什么过分的事，他们也早就想考虑好如果对方为什么会这样做，最明显一点，你们可以去看看身边魔羯的朋友，无论你怎么做那些魔羯都不会很惊讶的，其实他们已经知道你为什么会这样了．魔羯的交友观也很随便，他们可能会和贵族很好，也可能会和乞丐聊天，一切的一切只是心灵的交往，很少有魔羯会有势力眼，除非你这个人品太差了。 　　 　　

感情（超级白痴）　　 魔羯的人傻的可以，他们并不了解爱情，但是他们只知道爱的感觉，对于他们任何感情的表达都是一种感觉，他们很认真的感受每一个感觉，大部分感觉都可以一个人去感觉，最失败的爱却要两个人，傻傻的魔羯一开始会认为，爱你是我自己的事情和你没关系，可是到后来越来越感觉不是滋味，于是开始对对方表白，表白成功后却不知道如何走下一步，也许是太不浪漫在作祟，魔羯的人可能会拿任何事情开玩笑，但是在爱情方面只要他说出’我爱你’或者话题谈到将来结婚，那么他绝对不是在开玩笑，魔羯很物质，但是这点和金牛处女不一样，他们的物质表现在爱上，他们认为给所爱的人带来无限的物质的就是最大的幸福，因为他们很自卑，唯一能用自己努力获得来的就只有物质了。 　　

 

当自己努力的去让自己所爱的人幸福的时候，自己所爱的人却因为其他的其他离开了他，而到最后自己却不明白自己到底做错了什么，真是可怜的家伙们． 　　 　　

追求: 魔羯的追求是认真的，只要对方不让魔羯认为完全没有机会，魔羯就会像疯子一样的追求着，他们其实对自己非常没有信心，唯一的动力只是相信自己在爱着，为了对的起自己的感情，为了认真的去爱一回． 　　 　　

被追求:　魔羯对于不喜欢的人不会给予任何机会，魔羯的人很善良，而且他们知道长痛不如短痛的道理，如果魔羯勉强接受了你，那也是出于一种同情心，但是交往没几天他们就开始内疚，他们认为怜悯的爱对追求者来说是一种伤害，他们会尽量的躲避并且对追求者很冷淡追求者尽量的让追求者开始讨厌她／他．如果追求者不理解的话，放心最长不超过一年，魔羯会很理智的告诉你别在联系了，她／他会消失的无影无纵． 　　 　　

拒绝:　如果魔羯真的爱了就不会去拒绝你，永远不会． 　　 　　

被拒绝:　魔羯比任何一个星座对感情都很认真，恢复伤痕的时间也很长，他们会选择消失，这样对你对他都有好处，因为他怕多看你一眼而又再次无法自拔　他怕再多看你一眼　心如刀割

7 days later

27 sept 09
sunday

i wokeup in tear..
recalling wat i did 7 days ago.
and noticing the difference everyday ..

felt so empty
hide in my pillows wann feel secure by hiding inside
i miss the hugs he gave
the attention i was given
the kiss tat he gave..
the hand tat grab mine ..

but i cant.. i knew i cant

i am emo now..
very emo for the day ..
when will this day end?
when will i be back to normal.. to the days we used to ?

i hate sunday…

26 sept 09
saturday

i had a hangover. luckily it wasnt a bad one
wokeup feeling its missing again ..
play w fb and wait for time to pass
meeting shan to study ..

jus 1 week ago.. it wasnt like tat
he send me to work, we saw a cockroach in his car,
afternoon he went sch i oso went sch,
he was having headache i was coughing n sneezing
lynn they all walk me to cathy to wait for a.n to pick me up to go home
pull over at mr bean for a chocolate shake
went back home,
he was at home watching movie whole nite and didnt went out
me went to wendy place for dinner

this is jus 1 week ago .. why isit everything change so fast ?

we reach we study and we left for shopping
didnt really want to buy anything
i wasnt in mood to even do anyshopping
but i gave in to it..

went bishan for dinner
she took bus home while i was thinking
shld i walk back home ?
or shld i take bus ? or train ..

i receive a sms from him,
why isit every little thing is done i can link with a lot of other things ?
i am crazy abt the getting back
i am anxious abt getting back

but i shldnt pin any hope.. i odd to adjust myself ..

took train back, watch F1, sms him, watch tv
yet i am still feeling very lonely my heart is empty ..
facing such a huge change w jus few days

 

 

i miss … a lot a lot

strawberry

25 sept 09
friday

its sunny yet gloomy
saw a gal open her mouth wide dosing off on train..she is pretty oso
told a.n haha
i am a pretty n knowledgable gal haha
we jus LOL haha
the morning was nice..

min told me sometimes these no black nor white its jus grey..
dun think so much..
other says..man dun think much, they dun giv a damn to think complicated like me..
they are jus strawberries cannot take pressure..
jus play along
dun jus wait there..

sneak out for a whil, went to queue for the toto purhase..
super long Q
whole day was jus working n work..

finally after office hour..felt so emo

especially when i overheard boss play the song by lee sheng jie..

it goes , like something 我只想回到从前的时候。。。。

makes me so emo so sad

how why wat happen..
how come my friday i got no where to go
why no one date me ?
why i unable to date someone out
why i got no where to do
wat happen to my friday …
stay in office nag at hy n lc
walk home all the way so slowly gloomy gloomy

got home watch f1 practise sesson
sms a.n n finalli reply
he hadnt had his dinner yet and pong qiao we happen to think of the same food..
last week he was saying he passby the route for f1..
n he felt like a racer…. silly of him
n he was saying his car is in stealth mode… haha

hy called me n said wann go drink.
ofc i didnt hv a problem la..
wanted to go sgn gdn but lc surprise us.. go df
hahaha
and we went by ourselves 3 of us ..
hy best combo.. make me and her wanted to vomit so much..we 3 got hangover ..
thx god i m off on next day dun hv to work
but not the two of them
ha ha ha

 

 

i miss him ..
but everything has to wait n see
it needs a pair of hands to clap well